Sunday, January 11, 2009

David Caruso - Extra Strength Diet Coke Douche

There aren't many occasions when Icon of Idiocy David Caruso wins an award or gets nominated. Recently, on a website for men interested in men, the red menace was voted/nominated King of all Douchebags.
Finally, an award for the ugly readhead! Oh my, Dave, old boy, aren't you proud??? :

1. David Caruso: Extra Strength Diet Coke Douche
In theory, being a douche is a state of self for men that should be outgrown. For terrifying redhead David Caruso, being Supreme Douche above all others was a life goal he grew into.
Legend has it that his birth was the result of a three-minute union between a spooge mop and a popper-mad Howdy Doody puppet on the floor of the TomKat theater.
Against all odds, he ascended from working actor to incomprehensible sex symbol on NYPD before — in what’s universally classified as the second dumbest career move ever made in Hollywood — quitting the series to pursue big screen success in the form of thrill-less action movies and action-free erotic thrillers. By the time he managed to crawl back to TV Land, it was a barely-kept industry secret that he’d offer up any or all of his orifices to be crammed bareback by any exec who could get him a gig as corpse on Law & Order.
Somehow landing a key role at the helm of the first of eighty CSI spin-offs didn’t humble David, though. When he isn’t bullying directors and driving out co-stars, he’s know to demand a constant supply of Diet Coke (termed his “acting juice”) to fuel his performances.
David doesn’t so much act as he does bask in his own brilliance that’s imperceptible to every other form of life. His style involves … saying … every … single … fucking… line in an identical halting rasp while he puts his hands on his hips and takes off his sunglasses as if he’s parting the Red Sea. Like any great narcissist, he assumes parodies of his soul-deadening scenery chewing to be flattery and the Peoples Temple-style cult who believes him to be genius … or perhaps even God won’t have their faith shaken. Who are we to argue?
Until a shrewd backstabber pushes him down the stairs, La Caruso snatches the tiara as Queen of the Nozzle Heads....

Icon of Idiocy David Caruso showered n' deflowered? MAYBE :
Quote of the day - "...David Caruso. I would proceed to announce to the first five that dinner will only be served once they had beaten up, tortured and mutilated the ginger twunt.I would then sit back and enjoy the spectacle. ....This guy deserves it. "(

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