Refusing to break character in the middle of a hushed and eerily silent auditorium, the actor stoically accepted his award with hands on hips, nodding slightly sideways to the sound of the thunderous applause which was occurring only inside his own demented head.
"David is a natural born clown," says a CBS spokesman. "His shock of bright orange Bozo-esque hair, coupled with his ability to make everything he whispers sound ridiculous and unconvincing is a major plus. Not many actors could pull off the role of Horatio Caine and make it seem so gosh darn unbelievable. He makes William Shatner look like, well...like an actor."
But make no mistake, Caruso is no actor.
In fact, he obviously despises the craft.
You would really have to be holding a deep-seated grudge against all things "acting" to pull off what he does so effortlessly week after week, making even the slightest gestures seem insincere and hilarious. In last night's episode of "CSI: Miami," for instance, the detectives identify a suspect through, get this, a "face print."
These are the some of the funniest plot lines that most critics have ever witnessed, and personally, I laughed so hard that I spilled water all over my favorite milk crate end table. What's next? Will following a set of "trouser tracks" lead to the identity of a rapist? We don't care; just keep the yucks coming.
"There is a complicated storyline emerging this season, in which Horatio is the victim of a drive-by pieing, right in the face," assures the CBS spokesman. "We are also increasing the size of his shoes tenfold and replacing his badge and gun with a bicycle horn and a bottle of seltzer water."
My only question: why mess with comedic perfection? You just don't stumble upon this type of perfectly balanced feng-shui-of-funny every day. ****************************************************************
Written by "the toast in themachine" http://newsgroups.derkeiler.com/Archive/Alt/alt.fan.letterman/2005-11/msg00045.html ****************************************************************
David Caruso
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