Monday, December 31, 2007

David Caruso

...the Lord of the Jesters wishes you a happy and successfull New Year 2008. At the same time he promises you to will continue delivering many juicy and sordid headlines the best way he can. After all, Lord Caruso feels the least he can do FOR US is to stay within character..,,,SALUTE!!!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

David Caruso - Not worth mentioning!

Every year towards the end lists are made of celebrities/actors who are hated/despised the most. So called "The worst of....2007" - lists.

A lovely tradition.

We know about celebs/actors who scan the net regularily to check if they made it onto one of those lists or not. Some names are being mentioned every year. While some names (which we think should be part of EVERY LIST) are never mentioned. Then are those names who shouldn't be on any of the lists at all.

We found the following highly amusing blurb on one of those pages. It kind of made our day:
"Tristessa wonders why nobody has mentioned David Caruso.
Perhaps David Caruso's acting career, much like Philip Michael Thomas' music career, is a matter of such complete indifference to everyone that it is not even worth taking the effort to spite it. Just a thought."
Hear! Hear! We couldn't have said it better!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Today, I saw David Caruso......


We never knew we are THAT GOOD. Honestly.
We never knew that by just copying and pasting what we have read in the National Enquirer and on various blogs we have set off a flurry of activities amongst a couple of David Caruso fans.

We KNOW it is hard to be a Caruso fan.
* Negative headlines wherever you look.
* One divorce after the other.
* Odd behaviour on the set.
* Caruso leaving his pregnant girlfriend for another woman.....

We can understand that those headlines might unsettle the common fan. After all, it is their "hero" who is so full of shit....who makes the same mistakes over and over again..
Then obviously someone had an idea....
"Why not make up something like:"
" I saw them (David Caruso and his ex-girl-friend) together shopping in Miami!!!"
"I saw them driving in a car!!!" ....
"I saw them on Lincoln....."
(On Ocean Drive, South Beach etc........
WOW!!! David Caruso must have been a very busy man being at all those places at the SAME TIME on ONE DAY... and ALL the time there were NO PAPARAZZI AROUND (Huh??? During a VERY busy (Xmas eve) paparazzi-day???)-........Which means there are NO PICTURES (to verify).......just a blurb on a fan based board....Hmmhhhh.....


On the contrary. It gives it even MORE CREDENCE....and it keeps us entertained....and - most importantly - it keeps the discussion alive until the next paparazzi picutures/NE article will come along...

David Caruso - A poser by heart!

Every day (or so it seems) we stumble upon a new oddity.
Here David Caruso poses with a CSI Miami (comic?) book/magazine.
Is THERE ANYTHING/ANYONE AT ALL David Caruso wouldn't pose with???
Japanese Transvestite Twins?
EVERYTHING GOES (or so it seems)! LOL!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

David Caruso and his pants.

While on the lookout for the pictures that will make our day, we have come across the following. Everbody knows that literally EVERYTHING is sold on EBAY. From half eaten toasts by Britney Spears to (guaranteed authentic!!!) nails from Saddams Hussein's coffin.

Since a few days the following is offered on E-Bay:
"This item of clothing, a pair of pants size 34 waist, is tagged by the approriate wardrobe department and has the character's name written inside. Most studio wardrobes are worn once or twice......(Item has some slight stains.)" (Please let us ASSURE you that we have nothing but the greatest RESPECT towards the seller. It is just that the object for sale caught our attention! If we offended someone, that was not our intention. We hope, the item will sell for a very high price!!! Picture of pants courtsy of seller)
We ask WHO would want to buy a pair of worn trousers with (biological???) stains. This is just as gross as handing out USED EARPLUGS to fans! ( YUCK. YUCK.....However, we are sure that there are a lot of fans out there who will gladly grab the opportunity to own these pants....Happy bidding!!!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

David Caruso - THIS ASS......

What does this ASS have that other ASSES don't?

What makes this ASS so desireable?

Because this ASS is on TV?

Because this ASS is ginger?
Because this ASS is so arrogant and arrogance is sexy?

Because this ASS has the reputation of being a REAL BAD-ASS?

Because this ASS is three times divorced and even an ASS like that needs love?

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

David Caruso's stocking.....

We are pretty sure Santa filled David Caruso's stocking with a sack of coals and - since Santa is a very practical guy - packs of condoms. Further, we do hope (for Caruso's sake, the sake of his fans and for the sake of every woman he will date or bed in the future) there also was a guidebook on how to establish a relationship that actually lasts longer than just a couple of years. We do wonder if Dr. Phil could help....????

Monday, December 24, 2007

David Caruso - cheater of the year!

Every year organizations/newspapers give away a variety of awards. Some awards are gladly taken. Some awards are best ignored. We mused what kind of award would David Caruso this year (if someone actually bothered to nominate him)?

*The Award for the Best Actor? NAH

*The Award for the best dressed man of the industry? A big NO again.

*The Hero-of-the-year Award? No, not HIM.

Then it hit us! The only possible award David Caruso could get this year would be for the
Admittedly, we don't know if such an award exists at all - BUT IF - David Caruso would be the most likely candidate to get it. (Maybe they invent it especially for him!)

The stunt of leaving his pregnant girl-friend 15 days BEFORE she is due to give birth for a Miami Nightclub executive DESERVES at least a "honorable" mention. (To be fair, we are currently searching for other guys who pulled a stunt like that. Until now we have come up empty.)

Way to go Dave! You really must be proud of yourself. Or not?

Sunday, December 23, 2007

The woman David Caruso left for another - part 2

Pictures say more than a thousand words. After our last post ( the website of the paparazzi team who shot the very unflattering picture of Liza Marquez( got a lot of hits.

Some Caruso fans aka foolish morons immediately questioned the novelity of the picture . So we contacted one of the photographers. We not only got the confirmation that the picture was indeed shot on December 2, 2007 in front of David Caruso's house and while shopping, They also gave us a second picture to work with. It shows BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT that this picture is NEW.

And not only that. They confirmed that Liza Marquez is currently living alone in the house and that photo-agencies in Los Angeles/Miami are busy working to get a picture of David Caruso and his NEW GIRL-FRIEND.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Introducing - David Caruso's Pickle!

Question: WHO is David Caruso's closest friend AND his BIGGEST ENEMY at the same time?

Answer 1: VIXEN (EVERYBODY knows WHO she is. A very feisty lady) ???? NO.

Answer 2: HIS WILLY!!! His little David Caruso AKA GINGER PICKLE.

We all know there are different kinds of "pickles". Fresh ones and the long past its time (lovingly called "over-seasoned pickle" by "Sweet Pickles") pickles.

In David Caruso's case it is a safe thing to say that his pickle is a MEDIEVAL AGED specimen. A pickle SMALL (Teeny Weeny) in size which has been passed around , licked , nibbled and stroked quite often. However, be very VERY careful ladies! Caruso's pickle is a very slippery one . One that likes to roam around to play with pickle-gourmets who are a lot younger . It is our strong believe, that his roaming pickle has brought Caruso into trouble more than once.
(If you want to learn more about pickles in general, please visit also You won't be disappointed!!!!)

Friday, December 21, 2007

The woman David Caruso left for another.

OMG...WE KNOW David Caruso left her only 15 days before she gave birth ( but is this a reason to walk around like that???? This is the first photo of Liza Marquez after the news of David Caruso running off with a Miami Nightclub Executive (
The color and shape of the jumpsuit are very unflattering.... LIZA - ALONE AND MISERABLE.

David Caruso - so full of himself (II)

We are very sure THIS is the way David Caruso LIKES to see himself: The center of attention (Here at a press-conference in Tokyo, December 18, 2007.). Everything revolves around him.

Grudingly, we have to admit that he looks better than ever. Better than six months ago. This leaves a lot of room for speculation. Such as: New LOVE - New (Good) LOOKS????

According to a French article David Caruso left Liza 15 (!!!) days before she gave birth to be with a Miami Nightclub executive (
Whatever it is (and it is only a matter of time until it will come out ) we see a man CONTENT WITH HIMSELF.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

David Caruso - telltale body language

IT IS ALL IN THE BODY LANGUAGE. Thanks to the most recent NE-article ( we know now WHY both looked SO MISERABLE .....

Whenever David Caruso dumps a wife or a partner - and he seems to do that regularily (Lately, he got rid of his pregnant girl-friend to be with a Miami Nightclub executive) - telltale paparazzi photos can be found on the net or in relevant magazines.

We never imagined we would take a second look at the above picture. But in light of the latest developments we decided to look again. We detected two people who have nothing left to say to each other.

They look WORLDS APART and MISERABLE. The reason: Caruso was already sleeping with the Miami Club Executive then...

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

David Caruso and the Japanese transvestites

David Caruso poses in Tokyo with the KANO sisters - who are obviously transvestites and some sort of Japanese celebrities. For once we would love to know WHAT he might be thinking...."Get me outta here?" Judging from the look on his face very possible...

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

David Caruso - Between LA und Miami

Ladies, be on the lookout for THIS MAN!
David Caruso - currently on promotion tour in Japan (but HE'LL BE BACK SOON , LADIES!!!) - is on the prowl again after dumping his pregnant girl-friend for a hot Miami Nightclub executive..

Since CSI Miami is on hiatus until further notice - courtesy of the writers' strike - David Caruso undoubtly will spend a lot of time in Miami with his new lover (or she'll visit him in LA)....THANK GOD for planes!!

David Caruso - incredibly emotionally needy.

David Caruso is obviously incredibly emotionally needy. He needs constant, intense and probably unquestioning adoration from whatever woman he is with. And let's face it, all men think with their genitalia, but some control this better than others!.......... He can't have a nest egg, all his money is zapped up with kids and exes. The near future must look glum. Being in deep shit as he is , he is screwing everything he can find and is living it up too!!

Monday, December 17, 2007

David Caruso seduces Miami Club Executive

David Caruso et sa fiancée : marre de cette nana là?
Le héros des Experts aurait quitté sa compagne enceinte
Elle vient de mettre son deuxième enfant au monde. Mais David Caruso aurait bien du mal à supporter cette nouvelle paternité.
Alors que sa fiancée, Liza Marquez, a mis au monde le 14 octobre, leur second enfant, Paloma, David Caruso aurait pris la poudre d'escampette juste avant son accouchement pour se jeter dans les bras d’une autre. A cinquante et un ans, le héros des Experts à Miami aurait séduit la propriétaire du Club Casa Casuarina, l’ancienne demeure de Versace, à Miami Beach. Et ça roucoulerait sec sur le sable chaud...
Jeudi 13 décembre 2007

David Caruso and his financee: is it over? The hero of "CSI Miami" has left his pregnant partner before she gave birth to their second child. David Caruso is not interested in supporting this new paternity. Even though he has been engaged to, Liza Marquez, David Caruso ran out on her right before childbirth to throw himself in the arms of another. Fifty and one years, the hero of CSI Miami has seduced the owner of the Club Casuarina, the old residence of Versace, in Miami Beach. And they whisper sweet nothings on the hot sand...

Sunday, December 16, 2007

David Caruso makes headlines!

This week in SCUM: David Caruso dumps his pregnant girlfriend and mother of his son. Sources are, however, quick to assure us he's holding on to his sunglasses. LOL


David Caruso: The one that is worth it!

A picture of David Caruso and his new lover may become a reality in the very near future. We chose to take a closer look at the ladies in question. Caruso's preferences are a widley known fact: dark and voluptous. However, an exception to the rule is always possible....

So is it ANGELA, ANGIE OR CHRISTIE........???? (Pictures courtesy of