Sunday, August 31, 2008

David Caruso ...he is just sooooo bad...

"Caroline Miniscule" is a prolific blogger who a few days ago watched CSI Miami for the first time. From her post we can tell that this was not an experience she wishes to repeat. We can understand. We truly can....(The blogger is talking about episode "Darkroom" episode 5x8)

.....First time I've ever watched CSI: Miami...and after 10 minutes or however long its been... I can't stand it. The episode was poorly written, poorly acted by all of the principles, badly photographed...just a mess.
The guy - David Caruso - playing Horatio Kane is such a.... actor...ich
The camera angles and crap are stupid...It sure doesn't have the gloss of the original, CSI...But I gotta say, the acting of the principles of this show...the voices of the women...and of David Caruso/HoCaine... they just grate on my nerves... Can't believe this show is popular that it has run for 7 years! it doesn't hold a candle to the original!
And the actor - David Caruso - who plays Horatio Kane...he is just sooooo bad..
Quote of the day - ....Blame the writers, or blame this guy's delivery?Sorry, Mr. David Caruso, but this schtick is soooo .... ick (

Saturday, August 30, 2008

That David Caruso guy....

Labour Day weekend asks for fun.
There is a lot of things people can do with a computer, some skills and some imagination. The above picture is courtesy of one of our many talented readers.
We all know that David Caruso likes to have a drink or two.
And We all know WHEN David Caruso had a drink or two the night before because the make-up department is hardly able to cover the traces on his careworn face.
Great picture!

Quote of the day - ... but is anyone else as annoyed with this David Caruso guy on Miami CSI as I am? I don’t even watch the show, but once in while I turn it on to see his horribly melodramatic acting. He’s overacting cubed. I don’t know how anyone can take that guy seriously, it’s like he’s doing an SNL skit. If he ordered a pizza on that show he would literally deliver the lines as if he was issuing an incredibly serious ultimatum to a terrorist or something. My GOD. That man drives me crazy. (

Friday, August 29, 2008

David Caruso - Most Bizzare TV Cop

We just read on this website
that David Caruso is considered one of the "most bizarre TV Cops".

Which guy is more bizarre: the elfish redhead with the sunglasses and unlikely growl, or the baby-faced, sleepy-eyed tough guy who seems to stagger through crime scenes in ... more a haze of confusion and indigestion? On the one hand, few TV characters have been more relentlessly parodied......

For us the choice is clear - there is no one more bizarre than David Caruso and his cheesy performance on CSI Miami. Most TV viewers are not able to withstand all that cheesiness....
Where would CSI Miami be w/o the power of the glasses?
You’d see David Caruso more squinty. And that’s just something none of us want. He takes them off, puts them back on, waves them around more than Groucho did with his cigar.....
Quote of the day -It is the cheesy shit that David Caruso says as he put them back on or slight rest them on his nose that take the cake.....

Thursday, August 28, 2008

David Caruso - Dead Fish

I don't watch "Miami". That David Caruso guy annoys the begonias out of me -- shazbot
Those fuckin shades.
Fuckin guy spends most of his time posing and watching the sun set or rise. Just ONCE I'd like to see him walk out of the bright sunshine and into a building with his shades on and slam right into a glass wall or some other obstacle.....
There is no chemistry between David Caruso and any other member of the cast on the screen. Caruso would have more chemistry with the dead fish than he did with whatever actress guest starred...


Quote of the day - ....David Caruso. And, while we're on the subject of disgusting, uber annoying, yet unappealing redheads... (

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

David Caruso - Crime Stink Investigation...

Look/smell , what WE have found.....

Welcome to Celebrity Stinker
You may not know them personally.
You may not even have the sense of smell.
But there is no doubt they are stinkers. No, we don't have hard proof. But we have eyes and we have hunches. And they don't lie.


David Caruso
With his look of perpetual constipation, you know this guy has to be passing some killer gas. And the whiskey and ben-gay? it ain't gonna mask the fumes. Crime Stink Investigation.
Quote of the day - .....Why wouldn't anyone not want to see this? It's not that far from any episode of "24" or "CSI: Miami," and it has the added virtue of the absence of desiccated ghouls like Kiefer Sutherland and David Caruso...(

Monday, August 25, 2008

David Caruso IS the Duke of Hazard

Dukes of Hazard....
Then: Crazy red neck pretty boys romp through the swamp, having adventures, solving crimes, staying one step ahead of the idiot cops. Uncle Jessie presides to deal out nuggets of wisdom. Daisy provides... well lets just say short shorts were re-named in her honor.

Now: pretty boy cops chase redneck criminals, get in adventures, solve crimes. Uncle HoCaine broods, then broods some more then says something that is supposed to sound profound. Cousin Calleigh plays with firearms and double entendres.

All i have to say is David Caruso. Guy would be the perfect actor for Lucas to use. Stiff as a board and only has one expression. All he ever does is look up, look down, put his sunclasses on and take them off.
Or combinations of those.
But also does the 'Horatio Caine' maneuver.. Pushing his jacket back to expose his gun and badge... He also never looks at anyone he's questioning... and it takes a bada$$ to wear a BLACK suit in Miami, especially in the summer.
I can't quite place it, but there's something I can't stand about David Caruso. Something like he's just too cool for school, but he's not.
Quote of the day - .......Like, David Caruso is so obnoxious that I can’t bring myself to watch CSI: Miami......(Cynical Cinema -

Sunday, August 24, 2008

David Caruso's little poem

Little children are taught to pray before the go to sleep. The one or other performer prays for a good performance before he goes on stage. What does our favourite butt-boy David Caruso do?
He says the following little poem before every scene to reassure himself that he isn't that huge a douchebag (like everybody says) after all :

Now, I'm... going to... look

and say something pithy......

that I think is witty...

but will...


just make me sound...


And ginger.puts on sunglasses

Now...puts hands on hips and swivels

stares down at Jimmy Smits' dead body

let's see you...

have a better comeback!
Quote of the day - .....Yes, the Gingerman is a bad actor, but at least he makes the show (unintentionally) funny....(

Something truly awful like....David Caruso

CSI non-Miami is soooo much better!

But then again, it might just be David Caruso. He gets on my nerves, big-time. He's so... pretentious. Does he actually do any work on that show, or just wander around or cracking a lame one-liner?
David Caruso did this and that film. Got on a big TV show. Thought he was the next big thing when it turned out he was just the male Shelly Long. He did nothing for a while and then jumped on the CSI bandwagon.
Do you think, if they hired William Shatner and David Caruso for a project, they could get by with half the dialogue? Do you think, if we put stupid sunglasses on William Shatner, we could get by without David Caruso? ... LOL- Great idea!


Quote of the day - And that's without even getting started on David Caruso, not so much an actor as a shrivelled orange bag of camera-grabbing mannerisms and tics in a suit. ( )

Saturday, August 23, 2008

David Caruso - Talk by the watercooler

...I think for every Clooney, there are like four or five Carusos. Of course, there is the qualitative difference that George Clooney is awesome, and David Caruso sucks.
Caruso's high on my list for "most unintentionally funny actors on television".
Count the words - you will never SEE him utter more than 10 consecutive words. Any further dialogue will be in VO or shot from another angle. He must simply be fed the line -
Because it's ALL about the angle of the hips and the sunglasses - sunglasses on, sunglasses off.
I don't watch CSI Miami either, and I still feel like a whole person. And I barely know who David Caruso is, aside from people making fun of him for being David Caruso.
Caruso's gotta at least stop dieing his hair. His wrinkles are giving away his age. I always feel sorry for him. He looks like he's trying soooo hard to exude handsome coolness and he is so far from managing it.....


Quote of the day - .....David Caruso has a moment that is so high on the unintentional comedy scale it's ridiculous...(

Friday, August 22, 2008

Did David Caruso and new lover Vivica A. Fox a movie together?

Could it be that David Caruso's and Vivica A. Fox's current hot affair is in reality a resurgence of old feelings? Could it be that when the movie was made David and Vivica were already hot for each other? We know that now and then David Caruso developed affections for the one or the other female co-star.
Ahem, yes...
While searching the net for nothing in particluar we came across a movie called "Evidence". It was filed and reviewed by a German website which is called "Filmdatenblatt"
Obviously , some time ago David Caruso and Vivica A. Fox did a movie together. The credits show Vivica and David as leads, with a few lesser known co-stars.
Release date is 2005.
It is the usual good cop/bad cop plus innocent suspect-story. We never have seen the movie so we can't render an opinion about it. However, the reviews are not too ethusiastic.....
Quote of the day - Back in the days when David Caruso wasn't the cartoon caricature he is on CSI: Miami....(

David Caruso - New season details? YAWN!

Little by little bit by bit details about the new season become available.

......It was also reported that he had staged the shooting on the tarmac in the season finale.More details on this season premier have been made available, along with a promo trailer that shows that not only is HoCaine alive, but he is also sporting a new pair of sunglasses. Well, I assume they are new, because there is no way that even the super-human HoCaine could have revived those shattered lenses in his old pair of shades.
What is disappointing is that the alien-looking Elizabeth Berkley (Ho’s ex-girlfriend and mother of his son) and Evan Ellingson (the weird and dysfunctional son) are returning. And (gasp) that “one of their own” may be hiding a dark side. (Sigh, can’t they come up with something more original than that overused plot device?)....AGAIN???

Looks a lot like the season 6 beginning - minus/plus one more or less interesting details. BIG YAWN....!
LINK for the season 7 promo-video:
Quote of the day -.....Yes, it’s horrible and cheesy and David Caruso couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag.....(

Thursday, August 21, 2008

David Caruso - EASY to mock!

Oh, sure, it's plenty easy to mock David Caruso: Who walks off a hit TV show after only one season, in the hopes of launching a movie career?
A fool, that's who.
Since his post-"NYPD Blue" failure, Caruso's name has become a shorthand for arrogance and ineptitude.
When discussing someone with poor judgment, it's now common to say, "He doesn't have the sense God gave David Caruso", or "Even David Caruso could tell her she's making a mistake."
Just caught an episode last night. I am with ya guys, he is baaaad!
There's two kinds of bad. The normal bad where you just can't watch, and that special kind of bad where you are fascinated by just HOW bad an actor is.
Caruso is that special kind of bad.
Quote of the day - ...Caruso seems much too vain (but then again how and why?) to comprehend his true image..... (

The horrible David Caruso

...CSI Miami isn't quite as technical as the original, and some people have a problem with David Caruso
Horatio Caine, as played by the horrible David Caruso. I had to stop watching CSI Miami because of him. If any of the other people on that show had him for a boss in real life, they would constantly be making fun of him behind his back.
.....David Caruso-Period!
I won't watch anything he's in, for the sheer fact that the man can't act. He's horrible and it was the best day ever when he left NYPD Blue. Every other word out of his mouth on that show was "Are you OK with that". We use it around the office at work. Condescending knuckle head!....
Quote of the day - David Caruso aka CSI Miami's Horatio Cane/Fellatio Pain. One slap wouldn't be enough. I can't stand the way he puts emphasis on random words....(

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

David Caruso - Painfuly one dimensional

.....I just wrote things off as hopeless and switched to "CSI: Miami" because finishing off David Caruso's cliched one-liners and laughing at the camp of that show was just as painful as watching the game.
But David Caruso's pretty one dimensional, and probably everybody on this panet knows that.

Here is how I picture it...

David Caruso sits at home wearing his sunglasses while Jonathon Papelbon throws the last strike.
He slowly takes them off.
And changes the channel to watch himself on CSI: Miami.
Quote of the day - David Caruso is one of the worst actors to have ever gotten a job...blech!..(

Lisa de Moraes does David Caruso - again...

Readers of your blog now how much we like Lisa de Moraes and her blog on the Washington Post. De Moraes has written "The TV Column" for The Post since 1998. She served as the TV editor for the entertainment industry trade publication the "Hollywood Reporter" for almost a decade.
Dear Lisa was online on Friday August 15, 2008 again and like always delivered a few great snarky bites about David Caruso.....ENJOY!!!

Necrophilia: ....... I think it was the "CSI: Miami" about "Joe Francis," where they figured out he had sex with a co-ed on the beach after she had overdosed. Imagine the tearing-away of sunglasses that prompted....


"CSI: Miami": Will David Caruso ever change the inflection of his voice? Will Emily Procter ever smile? Will she reveal more cleavage?

Lisa de Moraes: "CSI: Miami" may have some stiff competition this year in the form of NBC's new "My Own Worst Enemy" with Christian Slater. If so, expect "CSI: Miami" producers to not take it lying down. Because, realistically, expecting Caruso to change the inflection of his voice is not possible, you definitely will see them ramp up the cleavage-cam on Emily.


Wait Just One Second: So, David Caruso is coming back to "CSI: Miami" next season? I mean, the cliffhanger from last season was that his life (on the show) hung in the balance, so you must stay tuned for next season to find out. You're saying the mystery has been solved. P.S. Love the chats!

Lisa de Moraes: Given that he is "CSI: Miami" I'm guessing he's back. You know how those cliffhangers can be fooling...

Beltsville, Md.: I just watched "The First Olympics: Athens 1896," a 1984 TV miniseries now available on DVD. David Caruso plays one of the American athletes. He speaks with an Irish accent. And doesn't wear sunglasses.

Lisa de Moraes: Just spit out my coffee. LOL...


"Because heis'CSI: Miami' ": Yeah, 'cuz when you think "Miami," you think pasty Irish guy in dark suits. Even -- and I'm stunned to be saying this -- Don Johnson was more credible as a Floridian.

Lisa de Moraes: Hey! Don Johnson always will be my Florida...

Quote of the day - "....I cannot tolerate Caruso. He's so into himself that he's his own fan club! "

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

David Caruso caught with newest lover!

This is an article published by an Hungarian newsservice called "storyonline". The story is well written and ads one or two nice bites to what is already known about the new pairing David Caruso/Vivca Fox.
We used a Hungarian Translationservice. ( for the original article please go to: (


....CSI Miami star caught out with his latest girlfriend. David Caruso dates charming "Kill Bill" hitman.
David Caruso and Vivica Fox where seen together recently,who already a time of his together mention, a source related that Los Angeles saw the pair one though now in one of the trend restaurants to sit around hiding. The eyewitness was an ear-witness in one, heard that David was whispering it supposedly Vivia, how likes it how much rap music.
What kind of future waits for them how?
Even a prophetess is not needed for this! Caruso marries it certainly, since the marriage did not mean trouble to him till now: he got married trice already, and was just divorcing this many times away. David's ill nature played a role in the breaking up according to the gossips. The series actor sees the world, which his drinking problems agrgravate only, most darkly, according to neighbourhood aquaintances - it's claimed, there's not a woman, who let him tolerate the man on long distance.
Till when does Vivica stand by it? The ladies last action, with which she got to front pages, was an oral video fixing joys provided by it...
Quote of the day-Other than a short fat David Caruso, how is A&E HD (when working).......(

Stupid David Caruso!

People make fun of people all the time.
Makeing fun of people is fun.
Especially if the people you make fun of are famous people - like Dick Cheney or DAVID CARUSO....

....Can you imagine being that first guy to walk up and see that the vice president had shot someone?
My first thought would be: "I'm going to be in a TV movie."Well, at least a character based on me would be in one. But I'd probably be disappointed with the actor they got to play me.
They'd probably get like David Caruso to play me and he'd spend the whole movie putting on and taking off his stupid sunglasses like on CSI: Miami.
When it finally premiered, I'd be standing on the couch shouting, "I don't even wear sunglasses, stupid David Caruso! God! Do some character research!".....
Quote of the day - I won't switch to CSI: Miami (David Caruso creeps me out)...(

Monday, August 18, 2008

David Caruso worst dating choices?

A few days after variouses media sources reported that David Caruso is dating Vivica Fox a poll was started.
Only three days after the poll was first published we are able to detect a certain trend . The readers/visitors/fans/detractors are asked to name David Caruso's worst dating choice within the last month.
Not surprisingly unknown Background Extra Amina Islam is in the lead. True to his character David Caruso dumped the wannabe actress only 4 months after he started dating her. Well, the poll will run for two months. Enough time to vote.
You have an opinion about David Caruso's dating choices Don't be shy and let us know!
Remember - David Caruso does it and WE talk about it.......

Quote of the day - David Caruso is apparently a better actor when the audience has to read subtitles instead of listening to him.....(

Sunday, August 17, 2008

David Caruso - I do hate other redheads!

...caught it and it was laughably bad. I don't regularly watch CSI:Miami, so I'm not sure if all the episodes are this poorly written, or if David Caruso is always this pompous, but it really did suck.
Um, okay.
I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned this.....I mean, I don't find red-headed MEN particularly attractive....and I DO hate David Caruso....May his pubic area be infested w/ the fleas of a thousand camels! (I guess it already is given the number of woman he has dated in the last few months!!!)
Hmm....I guess I DO hate other redheads. But, only him.
Grr. David Caruso. Grr!!
Quote of the day - David Caruso CSI Miami, yikes he sucks...(

What do Velma, David Caruso and Wario have in common?

....funny monolouges.

This show has turned into a poster boy list of bad acting, bad scripts, and most of all, David Caruso thinking he's Lionel Barrymore. I watched about 5 minutes of an episode one night and it was all I could handle. No more CSI Miami,
I didn't mind David Caruso on NYPD Blue probably because he was surrounded by people who could actually act and it wasn't just about him. He is complete ham on Miami however and my mother is of the opinion that he turns to the side and holds his head in a certain way because he's going bald. His supercop, superfriend persona is just wacko.
Petersen is believable and all the lab work and painstaking research seem real.Whenever Caruso puts on a lab coat, I think he's playing dress-up..
It amazes me that no one seems to like David Caruso's acting and yet CSI:Miami keeps him around. He is wooden and his movements are repetitive. When the series first aired he worked in the lab, actually touched evidence which he no longer does - he points at it and tells someone to bring it to him to look at never touching it. BUT give him a gun and someone to point at and he is in his
Quote of the day - Like many, once I stopped expecting anything from Caruso (acting wise), I was better able to appreciate the anomaly that is CSI: Miami. ......(.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

David Caruso - NOT sharing!

We found this little gem on the net today. It paints a good pictures what to expect when working with David Caruso. Just another example of the many antics this man has. They say the smaller the talent the more demanding an actor gets.
...Just like David Caruso.
We have no reason to doubt the veracity of this little snippet. Thanks for sharing!

".....I missed Michael Shanks' appearance on 'Burn Notice' .....It was, for me, a much more satisfying appearance than his CSI turn, which featured very few scenes with him, including one with his character and the girlfriend that ended up on the cutting room floor. Some said it was a time thing but others insist David Caruso objects to guest stars getting more airtime and emotional scenes than he does..."
Quote of the day - .....all I see is that horrible excuse of an actor Caruso, who has had the same shtick since he appeared in a small part in an early Rambo movie. (

David Caruso’s bulbous snout

I don’t know what came over me when I began watching CSI: Miami - I mean- I don’t even *like* redheads. (I have a theory about the redheads’ genes rendering them psychologically unstable- hasn’t failed me yet.) There are misdemeanors, felonies, and whatever David Caruso does to get his paycheck each week....
Since I am watching CSI: MIami from Monday night, does anyone else want to take David Caruso’s sunglasses and grind them into the dirt.
Dude, seriously, enough with the overacting and slouching. Dude.....
Quote of the day: ....I love it very much for its ability to show every single pore on David Caruso’s bulbous snout.....(

David Caruso - Not good enough

Great article and great summary of David Caruso's career - or what's left of it...

....There's a difference between reaching for the stars -- which we all should do; we should all be trying to be the best possible version of ourselves we can be -- and reaching the stars, then deciding that you should have all along been reaching for the planets. Striving for success is good; achieving success and then tossing it away as not good enough is spoiled behavior and destructive.
I've picked The Best Career An Actor Has Had After Quitting Something That The Actor Should Not Have Quit.
The career that is celebrated today in this category is...David Caruso's.
Here's David Caruso's acting career in a nutshell: Become successful on TV cop show. Decide that's not good enough. Fail at other stuff. Become successful on TV cop show.That, readers, is the ideal career arc for this nomination, because it shows what I'm talking about: Success can be good enough. It is enough, in our lives, to achieve one success; so many people never do that, so many people never realize even one dream of theirs, that it seems wasteful to be a person who did reach their goal, and then just throw it away like a disposable Cracker Jack prize. When you've dug down through that box past the peanuts and popcorn to grab the prize, hang onto it for a while!....
Or you are going to waste the next ten years of your life agonizing about what a fool one has been...RIGHT DAVID CARUSO?!
Quote of the day - ...David Caruso (so gross to many, I just don’t get that..)....(

Friday, August 15, 2008

...and simpleton David Caruso said that as well...

This is a da capo to one of our earlier posts titled "Sympleton David Caruso says..."
( Since this post was very well received we decided to do a second part. Everything for our readers! Like the last time our source is ( again....

Quote of the Day......Theres reporting Vivica Fox is dating actor David Caruso (from the CBS hit show this an odd couple or what? (