Sunday, November 30, 2008

David Caruso - Be HoCaine for one day!

Everything for our readers!
You want to be HoCaine for one day?
The following is a step by step directory about how to become Icon of Idiocy David Caruso's HoCaine. Since we haven't tried it we can't say if it work or not. However, this shouldn't be a real problem for a computer-wizzard.....

....This week I was obsessed with watching CSI: Miami marathons. II created a little program that lets you say any of the pithy lines David Caruso/Horatio Caine is famous for:
Once you do, I set up an audio cue when the mouse is pressed that rewards you with the audio sting that kicks off the opening credits!
This wasn’t easy. I spent a ton of time trying to figure out how to crop the video, and I was never actually able to get it how I wanted. My goal was to crop, rotate it and feather the edges so that it better simulated his mouth, but I just couldn’t find the resources online to make that happen. I did use the blend feature to try and get the tone of the video to better resemble his skin. Not sure if it worked or not. Finally, I couldn’t integrate the mirror code with the crop code, which would have made it easier for users to line their mouths up with the camera.

Here’s the code:
import*; // get library
PImage img; // delcare imageCapture video; // get videoMovie sound;
void setup(){size (265,238);img = loadImage(”david.jpg”); // load image of David Carusoimage (img,0,0,265,238); // set image sizesound = new Movie (this, “sound.wav”);video = new Capture(this,350,350,30); // capture videovideo.crop(115,151,70,15); // crop size
void captureEvent(Capture video){;}
void draw(){if (video.available()){;}
image(video,115,151,70,15); // view cropped video positionblend (img,120,156,75,20,115,151,70,15,ADD); // Blend image and video colors
void mousePressed(){sound.stop();;}
Quote of the day - "By the way, is there anybody from my generation who doesn't recognize David Caruso paying homage to Bill Shatner's Captain Kirk every week on CSI Miami with his Oddly. Placed. Emphasis. On. Words?..." (

Saturday, November 29, 2008

David Caruso - Freakin' useless

Some people have a strong dislike towards Icon of Idiocy David Caruso. And nobody really can blame them.
Like the following:

....David Caruso. The show - CSI Miami - itself isn’t that bad, without him. The characters are decent and Miami looks like tons of fun. But lord almighty is he (Caruso) freaking useless!
I freakin’ hate this guy and his sunglasses of ‘Justice’.
I quit watching that show years ago because of him/his character. Wouldn’t it be nice if he went undercover on some operation and Michael Chiklis, who wasn’t informed, dealt out a little of his particular brand of ‘justice’. Either that or maybe one day a croc would just swallow him. Whole.
David Caruso’s the worst - he gives ginger kids everywhere a bad name. He does nothing for me. I’m embarrassed for him…since clearly he’s oblivious to the awfulness that is him....

Quote of the day - .."I'd like to say that the sunglasses are the best actors in the show, but that would be damning them with faint praise. The best that can be said for them is that they effectively cover up a portion of David Caruso's face whenever he's wearing them...."(

Friday, November 28, 2008

David Caruso - Infamous ugly bastard!

....Although it could be worse, I suppose...could be written by CSI:Miami vets...then again, infamous ugly bastard David Caruso delivers his lines like he's some sort of hellspawn anyway.
Now there's your show!
David Caruso's CSI character gets killed, comes back as some sort of hell-demon. The kicker is nobody notices that he's trying desperately not to feed on suspects and has to wear sunglasses constantly to avoid direct sunlight...because he's basically acting exactly the same way he always did....
Quote of the day - "While I’m glad David Caruso finally has a hit TV show, I’m equally glad I don’t have to watch it..." ( )

Thursday, November 27, 2008

David Caruso - Droppy dog face and paperbag personality

David Caruso has spent years practicing looking sideways at the camera and his other favourite putting his sun glasses on.
That kind of acting takes real talent.
OK, it doesn't and NYPD Blue was a lot better after he left. I have to confess to liking CSI in all but its NY outing but thats despite Caruso not because of him.
If you want a laugh though you want to see his Irish gangster in Hill Street Blues where he wears a silly hat all the time - after that he will never ever pull of looking cool.
Quote of the day - "...the economy has been doing its imitation of David Caruso's career before he got a part on CSI: Miami. "(

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

David Caruso - Rumble...rumble..

What do people think when they hear the name David Caruso?
Icon of Idiocy?
Scrawny naked butt?
Obnoxious Diva behaviour?
We are sure it is all those things combined and more. And whenever someone mentions bad on-set behaviour one can be sure that David Caruso's name is front and center:

BlindGossip - Which character on an popular TV drama is going to be killed off? While the character is one of the key members of the cast, the actor or actress’ bad behavior has caused friction within the cast and has exhausted the patience of the show’s head honcho.

"....David Caruso (Horatio on CSI:Miami), or one could hope for that. He used to be watchable, but he has become such a caricature of the character he created, that he has become the butt (and not in a good way) of so many stand-ups jokes, he should be embarrassed. I’d suspect TPTB have gotten tired of losing employees because of one guy who can’t seem to talk and *do* anything else as the same time.
Khandi Alexander did leave last year, and Emily Procter has done *one* scene in which she and Caruso were on set together this year (split screen scenes don’t count
they did not speak a word to each other, nor did they look at each other. (Ann:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:19 pm) "


Monday, November 24, 2008

David Caruso - Kids and Ex out! Tart in!

Once again, Icon of Idiocy David Caruso has set his priorities:

Relationship-challenged David Caruso puts his ex-lover and their two children in another house while he uses his for his new love.
This star of "CSI: Miami" has had his share of romance upheaval.

In the December 1st edition of GLOBE, Pat Gregor reports that Caruso has moved his new main squeeze , tart Amina Islam, who's half his age, into his Sherman Oaks, California house.
He moved his former love Liza Marquez and their two children into another house in the San Fernando Valley.

For Caruso's financial health, let's hope that his series "CSI: Miami" keeps running. He needs plenty of money to pay up for all that square footage.

Obviously, the Indian/Pakistani/Arabian tart is more important to Caruso than his own children....

Quote of the day: "I’ve included some hacked video of CSI’s David Caruso to demonstrate.."

Sunday, November 23, 2008

David Caruso - Nice boobs!

They are her most noteworthy assets - next to her legs. TPTB at CSI Miami did and do everything to put Elizabeth Berkleys girls front and center.
On the occassion of episode "Bombshell" a poll was set up asking people what they assumed Icon of Idiocy David Caruso might have been thinking while shooting this scene (picture) with female co-thespian Berkley.

A few days ago this poll closed and we proudly present you the (not surprising) results:
Title: What might David Caruso be thinking?
Date created: Sept 22, 2008
Date closed: Nov. 21, 2008
Votes: 27

Nice boobs! 63%
Oh no, she has dandruff!!! 4%
Smells good! 33%

If Caruso would be a good actor we would say Berkley's boobs most definitely have been distracting him. To be fair, Caruso's acting wouldn't be any better if she wouldn't be there at all.
Thank you folks!

Quote of the day -" ...And I noticed a site called KICKING DAVID CARUSO linked to my Caruso slam on that posting.Thanks for linking to me, KICKING!..." (

Saturday, November 22, 2008

David Caruso - Two words

Surveys are very popular. Just like polls, they reflect the public opinion. We just love them. Who wouldn't?

Question: How Would You Describe Icon of Idiocy David Caruso in Two Words?

Answer: Ugly turtle. Crap actor.. I still don't know how he has been the star of that show for so long... why he has a job still I'll never know! He is so dry and bland.. can't they find someone that knows how to portray emotion?!?!?

Quote of the day - "The high point will be when he and David Caruso try to see who can go the longest without taking off their sunglasses." (

Friday, November 21, 2008

David Caruso - Trick or Treat a la CSI Miami

Prolific TV critique and blogger ROB BUCKLEY has written an interesting article about his observations how TPTB of CSI Miami deal with the obvious Icon of Idiocy David Caruso/Emily Procter-rift:

Here it is:

"...Now it's no great secret that David Caruso isn't much loved on the set of CSI: Miami. Or that Emily Procter and he don't get along and haven't done since season one.
But if you've been watching seasons six and seven, you'll have noticed that they've been having fewer and fewer scenes together. In fact, one or two a season seems to be the count, even when that makes a nonsense of the plot. In fact, you could even make a long-term drinking game out of it all.
The question is though: have the producers noticed that we've noticed?
Take a look at this scene. It looks like Procter and Caruso are in the same scene. Yet... they don't exchange dialogue and when they are in the same shot, it's a long shot and you can't see both of their faces – I doubt they're using doubles but odder things have happened… "

We are curious with what lame excuse Caruso's highly delusional fans (the few he has left) will come up with...
Quote of the day ":... among their ranks are the despicable likes of David Caruso " (

Thursday, November 20, 2008

David Caruso - Who is worse?

P. Diddy is the most talked about man this week - or so it seems. Every Internetsource - if online magazines or private blogs - seems to feature the same headline.
Diddy will guest star on CSI: Miami as a prosecutor who "does not get along" with David Caruso's Horatio Caine. The two-episode arc will air later this winter, according to AP
We all know that Diddy's role will be small. After all Icon of Idiocy David Caruso is the star of the show and NOBODY, absolutely NOBODY gets MORE SCREENTIME (sacrilege!) than him.

Reason enough for us to set up a little-fun-poll:
P. Diddy Vs. David Caruso . Who is the WORSE actor?
Vote often!

Quote of the day - "I cannot stand David Caruso so I don't watch CSI Miami".('CSI:%20Miami'%3f)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

David Caruso - Kicking Caruso!

Icon of Idiocy David Caruso brings out the worst in people. Not that we can blame them. It is more than understandable that one feels the need to rant after having to watch the douchebag supreme on TV.
The words are not ours but courtesy of one very annoyed blogger:

"....I fucking hate David Caruso. HATE him! I swear, every time I see him take off his sunglasses, or put them on, or put his hands on his hips, or say someone's name like its a question (Frank?), or tilt his head and deliver a snarky comment to a "perp," or KICK THE FUCKING DOOR DOWN ON A BUST (BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING CSI AND THAT'S WHAT A CSI DOES...GO ON BUSTS!!!!) I want to punch him in the balls so hard ...."

Who wouldn't want to do that once in a while?

Quote of the day - "He’s not related to David Caruso, is he? That’s the only way I could hate him more. ..."

Monday, November 17, 2008

David Caruso - Visible signs of (his) decay

The following is part of an article written by prolific LA Times freelance writer Jon Caramanica. It is a very good summary about CSI Miami, its 150th-episode, Icon of Idiocy David Caruso and how time has changed them...

...Arrogance no longer holds David Caruso’s face taut. When CBS' " CSI: Miami" premiered six years ago, it hinged on the swagger of Caruso, who had left " NYPD Blue" some years before in an attempt to become a film star, only to find himself back in blue.
But the years have weathered David Caruso/Horatio Caine, to the point now where even his signature moves -- the removing and replacing of his sunglasses, the blunt puns so mercilessly mocked in any number of YouTube mash-ups -- lack their original luster
....But ever so slightly, Caruso/Caineis being undone by time.
He's hunched over now, looking more creepy than slick, and his righteous streak has all the gravitas of a late-period Steven Seagal film.
In this glistening city, he is a visible sign of decay......


Quote of the day -" Of the three probably CSI: Miami even though David Caruso is a MAJOR over-actor..." (

Friday, November 14, 2008

David Caruso - The Juice!

If someone gave David Caruso his own variety show, hopefully it would just be an hour of him growling one-liners, then dramatically putting on his shades
I’ll never be able to listen to Won’t Get Fooled Again the same way ever….unless I am putting on my sunglasses.
My dream episode would be where Marg Helgenberger goes to CSI: Miami, grabs those friggin' sunglasses away from Icon of Idiocy David Caruso, and smashes them to bits with her heels.
I never thought I’d say this, but he was actually less annoying showing his pasty white ass every week on NYPD Blue.

Quote of the day - "...But next to the cartoonish character that is Caruso, the child coroner makes the show feel more and more like a cartoon..."

Thursday, November 13, 2008

David Caruso gets labelled!

David Caruso's acting is so bad that people come up with the funniest names for him. Having received a lot of valuable suggestions from our many readers/visitors we decided it was high time to set up a fun-poll titled "Labelling David Caruso" .

We offered voters four very interesting suggestions as to what David Caruso's future nickname should be.

Now the poll has closed yesterday. The results are in and are little surprising. We are hapy to announce that the most fitting nickname won!

Poll: Labelling David Caruso! What is the MOST fitting?

Poll created: September 12, 2008
Poll closed: November 11, 2008
Votes: 16

Tweedledee/Tweedledum 25%
Icon of Idiocy 44%
Repugnant Red Menace 13%
Pickle Dick 19%

Thank you folks! You all have really great taste. Needless to say, we fully agree with your choice! However, we have to admit we liked Repugnant Red Menance a lot too!
David Caruso, the Icon of Idiocy - what could be more fitting? LOL!

Quote of the day - "... I think they don’t need to shoot any promo shots for Caruso anymore as they can just pick one of the poses he has on the show and make it as a still shot then add CSI:Miami on it. Hehehe.. It really is irritating!.." (

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

David Caruso - Penis envy?

With every episode CSI Miami/David Caruso deliver a cornucopia of snark-material. Some bloggers prove their highly satirical talents with hilarious posts like the following. It is all in good fun and we like it:

..I've decided that David Caruso/HoCaine has penis envy.
Think about it..
...all the men on the show have either died or suffered life threatening injuries:

Speedle - dead
Ray - dead, found alive, dead again
the cop who dated Callie - killed himself
the treasury dept guy who liked Callie - arrested and thrown in jail
Wolf - eye injury with nail gun that nearly ended his life/career
Tripp - nearly blown up by landmine
ex-husband of Natalia - dead
delco - almost dead. not right in the head anymore
all the bad guys on the show end up dead or in jail

The only guy *not* dead, in jail or injured is that lab geek but his manhood is questionable and he's a geek so.... that leaves a gaggle of hot women surrounding the ever aging posing so narsty we're thankfully spared a head on shot David Caruso - He's so full of it!


Quote of the day - "I've ranted before about my dislike for CSI: Miami and David Caruso's bizarre approach to his character....."(

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

David Caruso - Many good reasons to hate David Caruso!

Searching for reasons to hate/dislike Icon of Idiocy David Caruso even more ? Need grounds to elevate your abhorrence of the redheaded stepchild of TV?
Yes? Then take a look!
A fellow blogger offered us the following reasons why SHE and (anyone else) is so much better than David Caruso ever will be!
  • I’ve never dramatically removed sunglasses (unless imitating David Caruso)
  • I’m not responsible for the only funny sketch ever performed by Comedy Inc.
  • I’ve never used my hair colour as an excuse for a poor job performance.
  • I can pick up objects and speak at the same time.
  • I’ve never left the only job I was ever good act because of delusions of grandeur.
    I don’t have multiple children with multiple partners
    (also, all of the partners have names like mafia girlfriends. Paris Papiro? Hell yeah!)
  • I don’t own a clothing store despite only wearing variations of the same outfit.
  • “Caruso is without a doubt, the most tortured, saddest man-child/ actor I’ve ever seen in over 15 years of movie and tv-making.” No one I’ve worked with has ever posted that about me on a website.
  • Diet Coke is not my acting juice.

Does anybody need more reasons?...Not us....

Quote of the day - "David Caruso seemed to be speaking almost too quietly during this episode. It almost seemed like he was getting into some sort of Zen mode or something..." (

Monday, November 10, 2008

David Caruso - Gimmick of the day!

Some things are best said with a very few words.
Look at the picture.
Do we really have to say more?
It is short.
It is sweet and it is oh so true.....
Quote of the day - "'re more sorely mistaken than David Caruso when he looks in the mirror and says, "Yep. I'm damn sexy." That's right, w ..."

Saturday, November 8, 2008

David Caruso makes the world cry

CSI-Miami. David Caruso has been annoying since Day 1 and the shows showing his charater (lack of) development should have been taken out to the woodshed and been put out of its miserey long ago.
David Caruso is intolerable - "Shatneresque" in his acting ability. Pausing to make some arrogant, half-baked quip before snapping on/off his sunglasses and striking a pose against the sunset. If he were a real-life person I can't imagine anyone being able to work with him.
I don't think Bill Shatner EVER took himself as seriously asCaruso does-and remember that great career move, leaving NYPD Blue for fame in all those successful movies (oh wait, NONE of them were successful)..
My friend Emmett refers to CSI Miami as "White Man Swings Big Dick," which pretty much sums it up. Caruso gets to say his lines, strike a dramatic pose, and either put on or take off his sunglasses to emphasize a point.

Quote of the day - "...and bloody CSI miami. really. and truly. with all my heart. ESPECIALLY DAVID CARUSO. " (

Friday, November 7, 2008

David Caruso - Old Man...poser much?

CSI:Miami - I watch now and then...but David Caruso gets on my nerves. Either leave the sunglasses on or leave them off...stop fiddling with them! Plus the way he cocks his head to the side and repeats things irritates me.
David Caruso can't act and is annoying.
Or as some one on TV said, "he is in love with himself". If he leaves, I may watch it.Honestly, I only skip that show BECAUSE of David Caruso. Previously, I thought he was a decent actor, but CSI: Miami really ruined him for me......
Quote of the day - ...not a David Caruso fan... (

Thursday, November 6, 2008

David Caruso - "Sideways Man"

We know that there are a lot of funny ideas for "CSI Miami Drinking Games" out there. The following is a special version courtesy of a fellow blogger who thinks Icon of Idiocy David Caruso is nothing but one big joke!

He calls it CSI Miami Drinking Game: The Sideways Man Relief Plan!
To be played with your favorite beverage of alcoholic nature and as many friends as you can pack into your livingroom.

Caruso poses sideways and then looks off into the distance. -
Take 1 drink then look sideways at someone in the room and seductively say in a seductive voice, "Sideways Man." The last person to do so must take another drink. If there is a tie everyone who tied takes two drinks.

Caruso does the above and then takes off his sunglasses.
Take 1 drink then stand up, look pensively off into the distance, mime taking off sunglasses and say, "I'm so hot, damnit." The last person to do so must take two drinks and wear sunglasses for the rest of the show. If there is a tie everyone who tied must switch drink glasses.

Caruso gets the tall, supermodel chick to like him and/or flirt with him via some strange screen writers imagination.
No one takes a drink. Everyone stares at the screen and screams, "NO WAY!"

You get the picture?


Quote of the day - "Good lord once you see Caruso's stupid acting the whole show is near comedy! " (

David Caruso - Making fun of David Caruso is...

Making fun of Icon of Idiocy David Caruso has become a favorite past-time sport. Numerous blogs spoof, laugh, point at the ugly uncharismatic actor.
To "honor" this fact a poll was set up some time ago.
A simple question was asked.
And we get a few interesting answers.
Looks like some David Caruso-fans (the few he has left) herded together to hail their idol. Only it won't help much, will it? People won't stop making fun of the man .
Why should they anyway?
David Caruso is the most favourite idiot in charge on the Internet.

started: May 18, 2008
closed: November 04, 2008
votes: 71

Making fun of David Caruso is....
  • Okay. The turd deserves it. The more the better. 18%
  • No, leave the man alone (sob! sob!) 55%
  • David Caruso? I really don't care! 27 %

Quote of the day - "...David Caruso in his most tolerable role…a mute..."

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

David Caruso - Are you a gulper?

There are David Caruso fans. (very few)
There are David Caruso haters. (legions)
There are David Caruso stalkers. (only one)
And - according to the webmaster of Satire Patch - there are David Caruso GULPERS

What is a GULPER?

You might get the gist of it after the following explanation:

....When the David Caruso piece ( originally ran on Sweetpea-Honeybun there was a lot of controversy and name calling , it seems like some people freak out criticizing Caruso because they think so highly (?????) of him.
You see, a lot of well respected actors don't inspire much admiriation in myself; actually their acting style makes me laugh.
....You see, when the Caruso piece first ran last winter there was a lot of back and forth between someone who was allegedly a stalker, and another person who sounded like a groupie. Well the main problem in entertainment is not groupies or stalkers --it's a third group, the vast majority I call Gulpers.
You see Gulpers are entertainment consumers who are, well, I think the best way to put this is --easily amused. They see someone on tv solving a murder mystery, with a very serious, very constipated look on their face --and they think it's great!
Gulp Gulp, Gulp Gulp.
You'll hear them talking excitedly at the office about the great show last night, when they should be working, all excited like they participated in something meaningful, until they get bored with it and the next year are gulping down the same thing in different time slot.
Happy Gulping!

Quote of the day - "The program ran for 12 seasons. It also, unfortunately, enabled David Caruso's acting career. I suppose no show's perfect..." -(

Monday, November 3, 2008

David Caruso - A different kind of nerd.

Every TV-show has its fans and detractors. However, nothing beats the unbiased opinion of a first time viewer!
Like the following which is a very throughly summary accumulating in the all-important question: "What the fuck is wrong with Icon of Idiocy, David Caruso?":

.....While CSI in its various forms has taken over the airwaves, as of yesterday afternoon, I still hadn't watched a single episode. But last night my daughter and son-in-law introduced me to CSI: Miami, and I have to say, I think they chose the wrong version of CSI to start me out with.
The first thing I noticed is that everyone -- and I mean everyone on the law enforcement side of the episode spoke in a hushed voice throughout the episode. It was so odd and unnatural and noticeable, I'm seriously wondering if there's a rule on set that no one can speak louder than David Caruso?
I spent the next few scenes wondering why Caruso wore that pinched gnome-like (strangely reminiscent of Jim Carrey as the Grinch) expression. Was he trying to be a Columbo-esque character? I still don't know if the expression is natural or acting.
But all of that paled after I saw Caruso deliver his first big one-liner. I don't remember what it was, and what he said isn't important. What is important is that he stood perpendicular to the camera, only the right side of his face exposed. The person he was supposed to be talking to supposedly stood where te camera was, while Caruso stared straight ahead. (If you're having trouble following, that means that Caruso is not even looking at the person he's talking to.)
The conversation went on for a couple of lines, and then Caruso delivered a zinging one-liner of some sort before throwing himself backwards out of the shot.
I mean, who does that?
In real life, that is?
Have you ever actually known someone who not only spent multiple conversations not looking at you, but who also repeatedly threw himself backwards to get out of the room?.....I just know that it was distracting enough to put me off CSI: Miami for good. "
Quote of the day - "I never have liked David Caruso. He has to be one of the most boring actors on TV." (